Thursday, June 3, 2010

I still don't want to..

-Read my bible.
-Take my English final.
-Leave Mrs. Gray's class.
-Buy some ear-swabs.
-Think about the Glee season finale.
-Love people with all that I am.
-Accept that the youth group is the way it is.
-Wake up tomorrow morning at 6:30 AM.
-Give Lauren Schoger's CD back.
-Grow up.
-Think about Lee winning American Idol instead of Crystal.
-Call my mom when I reach a destination in my car.
-Get exercise for Trek.

I want to...

-Spend time with my youth group.
-Go to Kadesh.
-Find my cell phone.
-See Candice Rae Watson.
-Go to Worship Stew.
-Finish school strong.
-Get all A's this semester.
-Drive around and talk to Lauren Schoger.
-Climb a mountain in Colorado.
-Wear my Chaco's for the purpose of the foot tan.
-Learn more signs.
-Get pumped for HIS Kids Camp.
-Hear Nino's voice.
-Get to know Kelcie and Jarron.
-Talk to Lauren Whittington.

Hopefully, I'll do all of these things.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Imma Be a PAL!

Yes, new directions is back. Hallelujah. There was just something about "Hell-O" that really helped me to understand my life. Which is really odd, considering Glee is an extravagant over exaggeration of high school life. But Rachel reminds me so much of myself in this episode, and I think its quite hysterical. But we won't get into that right now, haha. "Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?"

So, I made PALs at Clear Brook yesterday. I was a little giddy all day, and definitely put my acceptance letter on my bulletin board. Yep, that's not leaving my wall. I also had my first dress code violation, the first day of me being a PAL. Who knew that your shoulder had to be covered? i thought that 3 or 4 finger thickness was okay, but Ms. Miles didn't think so. In the words of Coach Stone, "Good thing God gives grace, cause there is absolutely no mercy for PALs."

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Understood?

No, really, you don't understand.
Things weren't the same.
This is something that is hurting me.
This is something that I've been thinking about for a long time.
Don't tell me that you understand.

Do you know how I feel when I look back at what happened?
About what was shared and what was said and what was felt?
I keep falling. It hits me over and over. Have you felt that?
I know you've had your share of pain.
But don't tell me that you understand.

This was something that took all of me.
That I still can't get over. Will you listen?
In the beginning, all I had was righteous indignation.
Now all of me is spilled out. Now here I am.
So don't tell me that you understand.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Fetch

Once upon a time, I was on facebook wandering through profiles aimlessly, when I came across the roommate of a friend of mine, Claire. Claire's roommate had posted a few videos of her and Claire, so I decided to procrastinate on a project and enjoy the time I had to waste. From the first time I saw Becca Clay in a video on the internet, I wanted to meet her and experience her humor in the flesh. Noticing that she had been to the same summer camp that I had been to, I took delight in the chance of maybe meeting her one day, though that was a bit creepy.
The car ride to Abilene was a torturous one. One of my best friends in the youth group has a secret problem with controlling her gas levels, so it was not just six and a half hours in a van, but the van smelt like my grandma's bathroom. Thats an over exaggeration, it wasn't that bad. But nonetheless, my legs were numb and I was anxiously awaiting the second when I could get out and experience the freedoms of college. Well, for a weekend college visit anyway. Then suddenly, in the distance, a light tower peeked through the horizon, and the bible building of ACU was in sight. I gulped down my last sip of sweet tea and just stared in excitement.
Donna pulled up the van to Gardner Dorm, a place that I had not been inside since two years before at Mpulse. I called the sweet girl I was staying with, Kasey Smith, and could barely hear her over the screams of the girls and hoots of the boys in our van.
"Hey, we're here!" The words that I was waiting to say for three weeks.
"I'll be down in a second!" Kasey giggled and the sound of her steps carried through the phone.
About ten girls flooded out of Gardner dorm to greet us. First, Ainsley Haley, then Amy Robbins, Beth Johnston, Taylor Edwards, Kelcie Broom, and everyone else who had a connection to the Clear Lake Youth Group. They helped us take our bags into the dorm.
The RA at the desk had a few freshman girls around her and seemed to be very inviting. "Hey girls! Welcome to ACU. Are you guys staying in the dorms for the next few days? Can I get your names in case there is any kind of random fire emergency?"
We lined up, in conversation with our friends that we would be staying with, when all of a sudden, it's my turn to tell my name. "Hi, I'm Marissa Ramos, and I'll be staying with Kasey Smith."
A voice from beside the lady at the desk spoke out to me, "Oh, Marissa... You're friends with Lauren Mullins, right?"
I turned and looked at who was asking, and there she was. Becca Joy Clay. In the flesh. She knew who I was. Maybe I'm not really that much of a creeper at all.
"Yeah girl, she was my counselor at Kadesh."
"Yeah! It was you who wrote something on her board. I was the one who erased what you wrote because I thought Kadesh 3 was so much better than Kadesh 2."
"Oh. Well, that's cool! What's your name?"
"I'm Becca Clay."
Psh. Of course I already knew her name. Just didn't want her to think I was a total creeper. I really want to talk to her some more though...
"Ok, you're all set! I hope you guys have fun this weekend!"
"Thanks. Nice meeting you Becca!"
Kasey showed me up to the second floor. I got my stuff situated in her room while she checked on some of her girls. When a little later, Becca walked in and asked me if I had seen Kasey. I told her she was with her hall, and Becca and I talked for a few minutes about her new roommate, Claire, and a few of the things her old roommate used to do that drove her insane. I liked this girl.
The next day, I woke up around 8:30 in the morning to attend the Wildcat Preview Tour which I had already been to 3 times. I used to think you could never get to much of ACU. I can see clearer now. But chances are I'll go to them again and again, twice a year until I'm actually a student. Then when I am, I'll be the one giving the tour. After a long day of walking and keeping up with all that college had to offer, I returned to the dorm. I just wanted to sit and hang out. My friend Carolyn was with me, and as we walked up the stairs and headed towards Taylor Edward's room, I saw Becca sitting in a chair in the hallway.
"Hey, lets go see Becca. You need to meet this girl."
"Uhh.. sure thing." Carolyn was pretty exhausted from the tour, but she was up for not doing much.
Becca was on her computer, most likely stalking people on Facebook, when we came to greet her. "Hey girls! How are you liking campus?" She asked us questions and told stories about her friends and life in the dorm. There was a stairwell directly across from her chair and every so often, people would come up the stairs and ask her about an interview that she had with the Residence Life staff. I quickly came to know that the chair she sits in is referred to as "Becca's Lady Chair." Why lady? Because there is a stylish fabric pattern of women in skirts and handbags on the cushion of the chair, and it was just too odd of a thing to go unnoticed. Becca sugar-coated every story she told with exaggerated humor that had all of ACU roaring with laughter within minutes. She doesn't like being judged by people because she is a preacher's kid, she uses the term "fetch" in almost any situation, and she loves Jesus with all that she is. By midnight that night, I was still sitting beside her in a chair, enjoying fellowship with my new friend. She glanced over at me and loudly whispered, "You know, Marissa, I feel like we've known each other for a long time."
"Besides the fact that we stalked each other on Facebook, I feel the same way, Becca Joy."

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Do you love me?

Of course I do.

Feed my lambs.

But I don't want to.

Do You love me?

You know that I do.

Feed my sheep.

But I need to get this done.

Do you love me?

Yes, come on, duh, I love you.

Then what are you doing?

I don't know.

Do you love me?

I'm not really sure.

Well, now we have a place to start.

I don't want to work.

But you will for me, right?

Monday, February 8, 2010

Pursuit

I had a wonderful weekend. The New Beginnings youth group was absolutely amazing. It was a nice break from the world- even a nice break from my youth group. Though I love them so dearly, sometimes its nice to see what God is doing outside of where I come from. Our small group went to a beach house in Surfside, and we had a lot of time to just hang out and get to know each other. Some things that I took from the weekend play over and over in my head. One of which was when we did communion together.
It wasn't normal communion. Someone prayed over our time, then we each were handed a piece of bread and told to share it with two other people. After we bread-swapped, we were told to share something that you think is beautiful about Jesus. I split my bread into three pieces and looked around for someone to share it with. I came cross Kalum's wife, Ashley. I shared about how I thought Jesus is so funny, that he can make me smile and burst out laughing in the midst of crying, suffering, and pain. Ashley shared about vulnerability. She likes the way anyone can go to Jesus however they are- weak, wounded, prideful, bored, uninterested, passionate, hurting. He'll take them for what they are and completely change them from the inside out. I shared my bread with another friend, and we did the same thing over the cup, but we didn't sip the grape juice out of each other's sire foam cups. It was a good way to share with each other in community over one purpose- to glorify our Savior. Thank you, God, for New Beginnings, and thank you God for knowing me so intimately.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

This is my Family.


I loved the retreat this weekend. It was exactly what I needed. So spirit-filled. I genuinely felt that I belonged to a family- one that I'm extremely proud of, that I would do anything for. Thinking about community and deeply knowing the people around me has really taken hold of my heart and God is showing me that it's definitely the next step closer to his heart.


Seeing Candice and two out of six girls that live in her house at ACU, Meredith and Hannah, has given me a practical example of really experiencing sisterhood. Those girls know each other. They can see what is really inside their girls, and when the world spits them out, they still have each other. These girls can encourage one another so intimately because they notice how the others see the world. There are so many girls, my age, going through the same things that I am in my youth group that need that. I want to know these girls. I want them to know me. I need this. Really accepting this sisterhood that God has called me has made me think of things so abundantly, and I can't wait to see what he does with these girls that He has called me to love!
"Heal my heart and make it clean,
Open up my eyes to the things unseen,
Show me how to love like you have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours,
Everything I am for Your Kingdom come,
As I walk from earth into eternity."
Hosanna by Hillsong United

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Times

I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real?'
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."